Metaphor Magic
Are you knocking on the right door?People will occasionally ask me about “how” I go about working with clients. Do I have a set protocol or is each client and their goals unique?
They wonder:
How do you do it? How do you begin?
How do you get people to unlock their stuckness?
How do you get people to risk and dream again? Try something new?
How do you help them begin to rebuild confidence?
How do you get people to think differently & re-imagine what’s possible?
How do you get people to build their own map forward?
Clearly, this is not a one sentence answer because so much of this work starts with the client and how they like to learn first, and secondly, how they are motivated. My teaching background has helped me in this way. I am able to quickly ascertain how someone likes to take in new information or new ideas, and what it takes to keep them motivated.
However I have found that a universally effective tool, regardless of learning style, is the use of metaphor. Using a metaphor allows coach and client to share vivid images that can help translate literal meanings, and begin to create images that are easier for the client to understand. Metaphorical language, using analogy, and imagery activates our imagination, allowing my clients even more access to their deeper emotions and possible next steps.
Here’s a taste of a few of my favorite metaphors that work their magic in some common coaching scenarios:
PLAY CHESS NOT CHECKERS - (Problem solving) This metaphor is one of my favorites - it’s so simple. Checkers are black and white (well, black and red actually) and can only move forward and backward, limiting the range of options you can use to win the game (or solve the problem). Chess, on the other hand, offers strategic moves, opening up a broader range of problem-solving approaches.
ROAD TRIP - (Visualize and believe in your future success) Imagine you’re on a road trip driving from California to NYC and you can only drive at night limiting your ability to see your path forward. You are called to see, believe and trust in your future success even though the road that will get you there is not yet fully visible.
You can take any route you want. Take highways and freeways and get to your destination quickly, or take the backroads and enjoy the detours and scenic sights. Bottom line – eventually, turn by turn, highway or byway, you’ll arrive in NYC, realizing your goal or success.
STUCK IN THE MUD - (Unable to pivot or re-frame) Picture someone so literally stuck in the muddy middle of a river crossing that they cannot move. Paralyzed and overwhelmed with uncertainty they stand there as the water and mud swirl them deeper and deeper into a chaotic, fearful, and frozen state. Sometimes we just need to re-frame the stuckness with a layer of stillness and calm, and reassess options and what’s most important at this time. We need to patiently wait for the water to clear before we can know our next move
MICHELANGELO’S BLOCK OF MARBLE - (Patience and practice) Michelangelo starts with his block of marble and remarks,
“The sculpture is already complete within the marble block before I start my work. I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.”
This is always a great reminder for clients who feel impatient and restless to reach their goals too quickly (the “ready, fire, aim” mindset), and also for those who cannot seem to chip away at old or excess baggage. In these scenarios they have more work to do, more questions to ask, more experiences to gain before they are going to be effective in that next role, responsibility or leadership opportunity.
After all, it took Michelangelo 730 days to create his masterful David.
KNOCKING ON THE WRONG DOOR - (Self awareness / reflection) Imagine a client perpetually frustrated feeling they cannot seem to gain traction toward landing any job interviews, or if they do, an offer never gets extended. They’ve checked all the boxes: researched companies that are hiring, written a compelling resume, engaged in mock interviews, attended networking events and used connections to get them in the door.
All of this only to realize they’d been knocking on the wrong door; that a better career trajectory match was waiting for them a few doors down.
This is a simple illustration about the importance of stepping back, when doors seem to be shut tight. We need to reassess, reflect and re-align our approach with a new strategy.
BOULDERS IN OUR PATH - (Obstacles show up for us on purpose) Obstacles are an indicator that we need and are ready to learn something new, or work through an old issue. Working with a college sophomore the boulder loomed big as she was shrouded in frustration and loneliness around her inability to fit in and find her social tribe on campus. There seemed to be a giant boulder blocking her at every opportunity.
Using the boulder as our metaphor afforded us some distance from her raw emotions. We could talk candidly about how she might get around, through, over, or under that boulder. I asked her what was on the other side of that boulder? I said, “Let’s take a walk around and look on the other side.” Of course, just on the other side was blue sky and wide open space.
Just some examples of how metaphor can help “unlock possibilities and open up more doors!”